Who are you?

Former Midwesterner corrupted by the big city. Terribly dejected Minnesota sports fan. Dude who cannot skateboard. Owner of a skateboard. One-time spelling bee runner-up. Shameless philosophunculist. Guy who just wants you to Google the word ‘philosophunculist.’ 

Name 5 things you love to death.

Lakes, rooftops, day drinking, not having a car and new socks. Sorry, Mom.

What will your autobiography be titled?

Shanked: How the title of my autobiography limited my life to one of a serial killer or bad NFL place-kicker.

I’m an expert in_____.

Being really adequate at almost everything, except crocheting. I’m seriously awesome at that.

If you had a motto, slogan or tagline what would it be?

“Judge one not by the color of their skin, but by the content of their Google Reader.”

Are you more of a Superhero or Super-villain? Explain.

Neither. Unless you count turning this simple survey into a three-day project as a “superpower,” then I’d be the former.

Tell us a secret.

I never completed the online sexual harassment course required at my last job.